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Judging from the multitude of responses we have gotten from my essay about internet pornography, pornography is an issue that plagues many relationships.
Most of the comments we've received are from women who feel devalued and disrespected by the fact that their husbands, boyfriends and fiancées look at internet pornography.
It goes without saying that masturbation occurs in isolation, at least under these circumstances, and the wife or partner is not involved in this solo activity. Why do so many men view porn in private and keep it secret from their wives, even from those wives who are willing partners in jointly viewing pornography as a "turn on" preceding foreplay and intercourse? One of the reasons why men who are married, engaged to be married, or have a girl friend with whom they are sexually active, engage in the viewing of pornography in secret has to do with an emotion we recently visited called shame.
Let us see if we can figure out some answers instead of engaging in condemnation. As has been stated in other weblog entries on this site, shame has to do with deep feelings of self-disapproval.
By far, the largest number of emails have come from angry and disappointed women. Men view pornography in secret and in isolation from their female partners. Rage: Clearly, many women are enraged by pornography and direct their wrath at their men.All of these are tests of masculinity for these adolescent men.Many boys become interested in weight lifting magazines with photos of muscular men whom they wish to emulate as a way of demonstrating their masculine prowess. According to Robert Stoller, a psychoanalyst and researcher on sexual issues and pornography, the role of pornography is to serve as the reverse of life events that occurred during childhood.Some of these female writers report that they even view some internet porn along with their partner and feel especially angry that their partner will sneak away to view porn websites in isolation.The comments express outrage, hurt, puzzlement, and confusion about what goes on with their men.